The Circle of Life

Here recently I have been faced with the newness of life and the finalization of it.
One of my favorite bible verses is: Ecclesiastes 3:1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven. I know that God has a plan for everyone and I have stated this before, I wish that I could open my Bible and there would be God's plan written out for me to follow.

Life isn't that easy. But neither is watching someone you have loved all of your life, deteriorate. Becoming someone that they wouldn't even recognize. This past week has shown me that God's hand is in everything, good and bad. I watched my sweet cousin become the woman she has always craved to be. A wife. At her wedding I watched her nephew and was in wonder at the newness of life in him. In awe of him looking at everyone at the wedding and trying to play quietly. Watching him at the reception, trying to figure out who everyone was. The amazement in his eyes at the lights and sounds that were all around. Sad that I would never have a child of my own flesh and blood to experience the firsts with. That was God's plan.... Something I truly don't understand...

This week I have been to the hospital to visit loved ones who are awaiting to go see their Lord and loved ones who have passed away. My cousin Diana and I were emailing each other back and forth all week because her father-in-law is on his death bed. I call him my Grandpa Bill, even though he really isn't. Anyway she made the comment that she hopes that everyone she loves truly does love the Lord and accepts Jesus as their Savior- not her words- I have paraphrased. She feels that some of the churches no longer tell us that we need to accept Jesus as our Savior to ensure that we all will go to Heaven. I then told her that is why were are to witness. I know that is one of the things God has planned for me. That one is pretty clear...

I have also been visiting my Uncle Joe who has Alzheimer's and dementia, aren't they the same thing? Uncle Joe was always the one to work out in the yard, just staying busy. I can remember going to visit Uncle Joe and Aunt Jean in the summer and Uncle Joe would be mowing with a beer in his hand. He was a great griller. He loved to read. Western were is favorite. He still know who I am, he tells the nurses that I am his niece, but then he starts rambling about things that I have no clue about.
I try to go along but then he'll ask me a question and I'll have no idea how to answer. I usually shrug my shoulders and say I don't know. So sad to see. He will be going into the nursing home today. Even sadder. I don't know if he knows Jesus. That isn't something we ever talked about. Worse.. Why wasn't that something we talked about?

For Everthing there is a season....

God's Love,

PRAYER

Do you believe in the power of prayer? I sure do. I may not get what I ask for but, I do know that if I don't get what I pray for, it wasn't in God's will.

I've learned a lot about God's will. Kelly and I were trying to get pregnant from the 1st day we got back together 5 years ago and really trying since we got married 4 years ago. I took fertility drugs to make sure I was ovulating. I was. I got pregnant right before our 2ND anniversary. I actually found out I was pregnant on our anniversary. It was a sweet anniversary present for both of us. 3 months later I miscarried. That was not so sweet. We continued to pray.. This time it was for strength to deal with a tragic loss. I knew that the baby was sick because I knew that God would not give me such a gift then take it away if the baby wasn't sick. The baby had a chromosomal defect. I never learned the sex, but I am pretty sure it was boy. I at least got to see it's heart beat along with my Mom. It was the greatest moment of my life.

This past December I had to have an emergency hysterectomy because I was basically eat up with endometerosis. I had it from my breast bone to my uterus. Everything was smushed together. The OBGYN told Kelly that it was all in my uterus and I wouldn't have been able to carry a baby to full term only to 3 months- therefore, that is what caused the miscarriage. The OBGYN didn't want to to the hysterectomy either but it was that or I would die. Thank God for Dr. B.

The day before my surgery, I had called some of my church ladies and told them I wanted them to pray that I wouldn't have to have an hysterectomy. They told me to pray for God's will. Well, being the stubborn one I just cried and said, I want a baby. I was in terrible pain. My heart was breaking and my stomach was killing me from the pain too. I eventually felt a calm come over me and knew that God was with me and that I needed to pray for God's will. I was saying the Apostle Creed when I went under for the surgery. When I woke up, I knew with-out being told that I had to have a hysterectomy. Dr. B. was the sweetest to me, he was apologizing for having to perform the surgery. My Mom and step-daughter took the hysterectomy worse than I did.

I know that God has a greater plan for me. I am a great step-mom and one day will be a great Mom to a child we have adopted. I sometimes wish that I could open my Bible and see a little note that God has written to me to let me know what his plan is.

God's will- I gotta pray for it, so do you...