Emotions

Where do I begin? I have been on an emotional roller coaster for about 2 weekes now. Why you may wonder? Well, My Granny's birthday was or would have been 2/3. My Uncle Don's birthday would have been 2/11 and today would have mine and Kelly's baby's 2nd birthday. I have been wondering if I should call the Dr. and ask what the sex of the baby was. All I asked when I went to my 6 week check up after my DNC was why did we lose the baby. Dr. said the baby had a chromosomal defect. He never offered to tell me the sex, I guess if I had asked then I would know. Would that be pouring salt back on that wond that will never heal or would knowing help my wound heal?
I know that God has plans for me to me a Mom. Heck, I am a Mom, a step-mom, but still I am a parent. I love being a step-mom and yes, I would give everything and anything to have my own bio-child but, that will never happen. yes, we will adopt, when? I have no idea. Kelly is still unemployed and what agency will let us adopt with only one income?
I think the lady that had in-vitro and had 8 babies should give me one of her babies! Just kidding! Maybe....
My heart is still heavy. With all the love that I have in my life I know that I am blessed and will always miss my baby and 2/12 will always be a sad day for me. Sweet baby till me meet again in heaven, know that your Mommy and Daddy miss and love you. I know that Granny and Nanny are taking good care of you. Happy Birthday!