As many of you know my Mom calls me a hypo. I am most of the time sick. Legitimately, I am sick. I just found out that I have Acid Reflux. I have not had any symptoms except severe pain in my upper left quadrant of my torso. I have had this pain since 11/29/08. I know this date well because I had to miss my 20 year High School reunion.
This past Tuesday I had to have an upper and lower GI scope. Monday I had to drink and eat clear liquids. Now, tell me how can green and orange jello be clear? Monday nite I had to drink magnisium citrate ( gaged on it) and then I had to drink gatorade with mirilax. Can you say yuck-o! I had to force myself not to throw it back up! I don't think it tasted THAT bad, I think it was just the thickness of it. Plus I had to take 4 ducolax. I was pretty much cleaned out. if you know what I mean! I barely slept all night, I ended up sleeping on the couch.
Tuesday morning Kelly and I went to the hospital for my tests. I first had to stop by admitting because they wanted to get blood from my turnip. They asked if I could pay the $700.00 copay or would I liked to be billed. I sweetly smiled at the cute girl behind the desk and asked her to bill me while Kelly was standing behind me swallowing on his tounge. We (I) quitely walked off. Kelly was saying all kinds of cuss words- words I can't put here about how much this was costing. I quickly reminded him that I was the only one working and I knew how crappy it was that it was gonna cost us $700.00 to find out why I was hurting so bad. He hung his head low and walked behind me like all husbands should do! (fotflmao){falling on the floor laughing my a** off- for those who have no idea what I just wrote} So we head back to same day surgery and the nurse took me to my room and made Kelly take one of those buzzers they give you when you go to a resturant and wait for a table. No Kelly, you don't get peanuts to eat and drop the shells on the floor while waiting for me to get prepped.
A nurse comes in to take all of my info and to make sure I am who I say I am. No Ma'am, I'm not Angie, I just like to have things shoved down my throat and up my hinney! Sounded kinda kinkey didn't??? I hope Kelly doesn't read this, I'll get into some seriuos funny stuff for that comment! Any who.... Another nurse comes in to start an IV. I tell her, you only have one chance at this so get it on the 1st time. She laughed. I wasn't kidding! She 1st says she sees a vein in my arm but isn't sure she can get it, again, I remind the ugly nurse that she only gets one try. That ugly nurse looks at me again and laughs. I sit up and give her the Karen look and say, look here missy, I ain't a kidding you. You get 1 try and 1 try only, if you mess it up, you will have to get another nurse in here and let her try. I ain't playing with ya! She looks at me like my head had started spinning, wipes my hand with alochol and inserts the IV. And it hurt like crap. But, it only took her 1 try! Of course I hollered. If you were wondering! I am sure the nurse that was getting my info thought I was a total heifer but when you (me) are hurting and someone hurts you (me) even more, you (me) are not a very nice person. So I ask the nurse that is making sure I am who I pretend I am, if the scope is going to make my throat hurt and if it's going to hurt when I poop. She says no sweetie, they are going to be gentle with you.
Kelly finally is allowed to come back to my room and we watch TV while I am trying to figure out how I can change him to look like me. My brain starts working hard but my powers have faded since the age of 13. No I couldn't change people to look like someone else but, that would be cool huh? The surgery nurse comes to get me and the elevator that we were trying to take is stuck between floors. I look at her and said, if that I been us, I would have totally freaked out on you, she smiled and said, I would have been freaking out with you. Nice.... We finally arrive to the surgery room and my Dr. arrives, all smiles.... Yeah, he's not the one having a light crammed down his throat and up his hinney of course he is smiling. So they start prepping me and were talking about Sunday's Titan game and how they blew it. The next thing I know my Dr. is telling me he will see me in the recovery room. WOW!!! I didn't feel a thing. Now, the thing they put in my mouth to make sure I didn't bite the scope wasn't too fun, but other than that, it was cool. the gas they put in my belly- that was so not cool. It's not lady like for a woman to have to pass gas, but man, I had too. My belly felt like it was going to expolde! I was a fart'n away, in the bathroom of course. Kelly was saying Oh my Gosh, the entire time... I had to luagh, now he knows how Kerry and I feel!
Finally the Dr. comes in and tells me he thinks I have Acid Reflux and I tell him I have not had any symptoms. He then says, a lot of people don't have the symptoms- its known as a silent disease. Nice....Well, it's been silent for me except my pain on my side. Thanks stomach acid!
So there ya go! I really am sick.... I Am Not a HYPO!!!!!
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